Compare and Contrast, Episode II
Let’s have a little fun playing compare and contrast:
1. Black employee makes statement described as racist. Employer takes quote out of context, goes off half-cocked, fires said employee without permitting employee an opportunity to explain. Employer realizes manifest error when a review of the videotape exposes it for all to see. Employer eats crow and offers to rehire employee.
2. Black employee makes statement described as racist. Employer takes quote out of context, goes off half-cocked, fires said employee without permitting employee an opportunity to explain. Employer refuses to recognize manifest error when a review of the videotape exposes it for all to see. Employer tells employee to go to Hell.
The employee in the first instance is Shirley Sherrod, fired earlier this year in the infamous USDA debacle.
The second employee is Juan Williams, kicked to the curb by uber-liberal NPR last night.
The only difference between these two situations? Sherrod is a doctinaire liberal, while Williams has a soft spot for conservatives.
As both USDA and NPR are government supported, ‘Puter respectfully requests White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs explain the different results in the two fact patterns.
Hell, ‘Puter demands a beer summit!
Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.
’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.
The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.
His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.
He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.
Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.
‘Puter suggests the Czar suck it.