Progressives start early. From Celestial Junk The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of … Continue reading →
The Czar is curious. Whatever happened to the story of an alleged affair between Barack Obama and mysterious aide Vera Baker in 2004? If it is indeed a fraudulent story, then let it die a death it deserves. But if … Continue reading →
A machine just went off in GorT’s lab while he was out. Not sure if it is related to this story in any way, but the message said All these worlds are yours except Europa. Think that means anything? The … Continue reading →
Apple likes to surprise the market with innovative technology no one expected. As a result, it likes to protect both the products it will release next year, as well as the products Microsoft will release in two years. So when … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin received this inquisitive note today from the royal surgeon concerning a matter of cosmic importance: Dread and Awful Mandarin, The south equatorial belt of Jupiter (that nifty stripe just north of the Great Red Spot) disappeared while the … Continue reading →
Australian Broadcasting Corporation somewhat… doubts the claim North Korean scientists have produced sustainable nuclear fusion. The Czar will clear up any doubts anyone has: the North Koreans have not produced nuclear fusion. Not even close. Nuclear fusion is an expensive, … Continue reading →
Everyone thought Hermann Simm deserved to be honored. It was Monday, Feb. 6, 2006, and he was dressed in his best suit to attend the day’s event. He had been invited to Estonia’s presidential palace to accept the “Order of … Continue reading →
Nothing predicts Americans having to reach into their own pockets better than a Europe trying to save itself. Member states of the EU are coughing up about one trillion dollars of their own money to bail out Greece, Spain, and … Continue reading →
The Czar is impressed with ‘Puter and Volgi for their reasoned argumentation. There may be a safe way to enjoy both privacy and public disclosure…and the initial questions being asked by both parties seem to favor that method. Specifically, the … Continue reading →
The Czar certainly remembers Eagle Man. But here, painfully compiled, is a pretty decent list of the Top 10 Worst Local Television Commercials of the last 10 years. And if you think the #1 worst commercial isn’t all that bad, … Continue reading →
Happy mothers day, to all you mothers who read this site. In our hearts, you are all mothers. People vary. You may still see your mothers, you may not see them any longer. You may have lost your mothers, or … Continue reading →
Your Czar and his movie buff Цесаревич have just returned from Iron Man 2. Short review? Very good film. But everyone wants to know if it is as good as the first one. Long answer: hard to say. While Robert … Continue reading →
The Mandarin was going to post on this, but something in the basement is leaking a violet-colored fluid, and he has been quite upset about whatever it was. So here goes. A story making very little headway once again reveals … Continue reading →
Your Czarness: Apropos of ‘Puter’s instruction to forward comments on his recent post to you, I wished to pass along the observation regarding Mr. Faisal’s Shazad’s unsuccessful attempt to wreak mayhem on the populace: His explosive device “faisalled.” With extreme … Continue reading →
Well, it took five hours. And a fair amount of liquor and coffee. But here are some things that happened at tonight’s secret mini-summit. 1. We did not actually decide what it should be called. Yon Volgi suggested a Gormogonicon … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin received this dispatch from the royal surgeon regarding the flooding down south: Dear Most Exalted and Terrible Mandarin, I hope this missive from New Atlantis finds you well. I thought I would update the Gormogons on how a … Continue reading →
TB, who is researching a new piece of brown note audio equipment for us, writes in on tomorrow’s secret meeting: Perhaps this meeting is the real reason the National Guard is being reqested in Chicago? You should keep your secret … Continue reading →
Imagine you are the head of a sales department, and have a dozen or so salespeople working for you, promoting your products and services. If you in fact ever worked in such a capacity, you will almost certainly recognize what … Continue reading →
Look out citizens of the imagined Free World. The Volgi, Mandarin, and the Czar will be gathering in the Chicago area on Tuesday for something…well, something truly awful. We cannot believe you just asked if alcohol will be involved. The … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin would like to share this news alert that he received from the National Rifle Association… Mayor Daley Insults America In Pre-McDonald Ploy Friday, April 30, 2010 Fearful that America’s Supreme Court will soon strike down Chicago’s handgun ban, … Continue reading →
Rejoice, followers and bastard non-followers! The Mandarin has released one of his many, famous mind control applications as an iPhone app! With a couple of taps, you can direct your iPhone toward anyone and seize control of their mind. It … Continue reading →
“Hey Czar, is it true the City of Chicago wants the National Guard to patrol the streets of the City to curb the outbreak of firearm violence there?” Well, you might think so if you swallowed whole whatever the popular … Continue reading →
Fox News is reporting that Republican Governor Charlie Crist of Florida will now run as an independent for the Florida U.S. Senate seat. Why the sudden urge to run as an independent? The answer to that question would be Marco … Continue reading →
Black workhand beats white supremacist to death in Mississippi. The Czar has a strange, mixed feeling on this one. Yes, it is wrong to have killed the guy. But on the other hand, the irony here is…well, let’s just go … Continue reading →
‘Puter makes the following offer to Harold Meyerson, after reading his column in this morning’s Washington Post. FedEx’s truck drivers should be allowed to organize under the NLRA (as opposed to the currently applicable Railway Labor Act), so long as … Continue reading →
Here and elsewhere, the Czar sees a lot of discussion about the recent events in Arizona. Of course, if you are a Democrat, it is the Anti-Immigration Law; if you are a Republican, it is the Anti-Illegal Immigration Law. A … Continue reading →
And so CNN has an interview with Antwone Fisher on what boys need to learn in order to become men. As it turns out, the interview wasn’t too bad: tie a tie, shave properly, and so on. But things are … Continue reading →
One thing that still astounds the Czar is the ability of the Left to hear things never said and see things never done, and in such a colorful way. Check this out. Bloomberg has a story about the newly designed … Continue reading →
Hey, fans of 24. Here’s what your god Jack Bauer really looks like after staying up for 24 hours. Remind the Czar to tell you about the time Kiefer Sutherland woke us up back in college. Ripped off from WWTDD. … Continue reading →
There is bad news and good news on the Iceland-is-again-destroying-the-world front. The bad news is that each time Eyjafjallajökull (pronounced “lind-say-LO-han”) erupts, a more powerful volcano named Katla explodes within six months. The good news, of course, is that Katla … Continue reading →
If you’re new to the Castle Gormogon, you may not quite realize some basic facts about the Czar of Muscovy: – He refers to himself in the third person singular half the time, and the other half inexplicably uses the … Continue reading →
A story you likely have not heard, because it makes the mainstream media look increasingly more stupid about politics: the Tea Party movement in Idaho has endorsed a democrat for US representative. And it happened. Walt Minnick, a lifelong democrat, … Continue reading →
Yes, it seems that we are once again redesigning the $100 bill. About time, too, because the last major redesign happened only a couple years ago. New anti-counterfeiting measures will consist of a microlensed security ribbon and vanishing Liberty Bell. … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin saw the headline, “Iranian Missile May Be Able To Hit U.S. by 2015” for this article from Reuters today and my first thought was wow, that has to be the slowest missile ever developed. I mean really what … Continue reading →
A California state senator has been receiving threats and ill-tempered messages for his personal investigation into California State University’s hiring of Sarah Palin for an appearance there. Seems he wants details of the financial terms and other conditions of the … Continue reading →
Say that three times fast. From adept J.S.. Check it out. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →When President Clinton warns the world about rising extremism in the US, you should listen. After all, this is the man who practically invented secret right-wing conspiracies out to destroy him. The message is a little weird to have delivered … Continue reading →
According to this article from Foxnews.com women who wear revealing clothing and behave promiscuously are to blame for earthquakes, or at least that is what senior Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi believes. First off you goofy throw-back to the 7th … Continue reading →
Better get scared America, because the Tea Partiers are finally arming themselves, and this can only mean trouble! Or so two hysterical journalists at the Washington Post believe, anyway. Bottom line: “dozens” (whatever that means) of people attending a rally … Continue reading →
Check it out. Here is a picture of the Eyjafjallajökull volcano erupting. Is this wild or what? Mandarin, ya did it again! The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was … Continue reading →
Boston Herald.com: Revolutionary War Battles Recalled on Patriots Day. BBC News.com: George Washington’s $300,000 library book fine. One supposes we each remember the Revolutionary War in our own way. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и … Continue reading →
The Volgi was kind enough to forward on a fascinating comparison between the MSM’s reaction to President Bush’s entreaty to go to Mars and their reaction to President Obama’s identical plea. Remember it? Basically, Bush wants to go to Mars; … Continue reading →
Dr. J writes back, and the Volgi should take note: Czar, I continue to be impressed with your aerospace engineering prowess and understanding of Slavic politics. Truth be told, I am the son of an old cold warrior who was … Continue reading →
Word cloud of today’s front page from Tagxedo, via Borepatch. Some crazy stuff going on in there. “Die Ghettoputer?” Either that’s a really weird German feminine noun, or he’s sending himself death threats again… Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions … Continue reading →
The always awesome Royal Surgeon Dr. J wrote the Czar to thank him for an unsually sensitive treatment of the Smolensk crash; but the good doctor—who attempted to cure the Czar’s hypovolemic shock with leeches, which wound up being a … Continue reading →
EC writes in to ask where we’ve been on the Smolensk crash. EC is correct; we have been neglectful. We extend our deepest sympathies to the families and friends of all the crash victims, and deeply regret the terrible loss … Continue reading →
You do know that doth is singular, and as a result, your verb is not in agreement with your subject. Go to hell. Actually, you are right, and the Czar would change it if he had the muscle to do … Continue reading →
The GOP is on the brink of sweeping through this November’s elections. That is, of course, assuming they don’t blow it. Good omen? A rejuventated party, with focus, goals, and a direction that doesn’t just rely on doing the opposite … Continue reading →
The topic of this post has been rattling about in my head for a number of weeks and with some recent purchases and events, it’s been reinforced so I decided to try to get it out there. It’s all about … Continue reading →
News Item. Mary had a little lambWhose fleece was white as snow.And everywere that Mary went,That lamb was sure to go. It followed her to school one day,Which was against the rule.It made the children laugh and playTo see a … Continue reading →
The Mandarin, being the benevolent overlord to billions of people on this planet and a couple of others that we can’t mention here, discovered this news story about a new web based service that is bound to be the next … Continue reading →
… The Washington Post editorial page steps in it today. Eugene Robinson writes an opinion piece concerning the ramapant youth violence in Ward 8, the poorest section of DC. Not coincidentally, Mayor-for-Life Marion “The Bitch Set Me Up” Barry is … Continue reading →
It has been years since the Czar underwent NBC counseling for some outrageous parties in the past, but he still feels reasonably okay with nuclear weapon strategy. Perhaps not as much as yon Volgi—who invented fission to appease the Duke … Continue reading →
‘Puter broad-sided a topic that has been skulking about the Czar’s brain for some time now, when he writes these awful [liberal] programs are initially well-intentioned, and a direct result of the prevailing liberal view of government. That is, the … Continue reading →
Coming soon: 100 GB and 120 GB BluRay writeable discs for home computer storage. ‘Puter continues to hope against hope that his 8-inch floppies will still be compatible, but it looks even grimmer. And he still has boxes of those … Continue reading →
Happy Easter from the Gormogons. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153
Continue reading →The Czar hath returned from the Muscovy Odioplex, having taken the Цесаревич to see Clash of the Titans. The film is getting an odd mix of positive and negative reviews but the little guy really liked the 1981 original and … Continue reading →
Oh Great Czar, Enough of your pontificating on liberal buffoonery in the op-ed section. Tell us what your readers are really interested in: what’s Easter like at Castle Gormogon? Do you send the village kids out for an egg hunt … Continue reading →
Gormogon royal surgeon Dr. J. takes time off from scraping asbestos containing material’s out of ‘Puter’s lungs to ask: Is it me, or does this smack of electoral patronage? Alaska is not a strategic electoral target for BHO in 2012, … Continue reading →
The head of our Gormogon air force (and no, we do not call him the Air Head) writes a hastily scrawled note (oddly in Thelma Todd’s blood): Your Czarness: Thank you for continuing your mission of enlightenment and world domination. … Continue reading →
It seems to the Czar that an “op ed” should be opposite the editors’s viewpoint, or at least different enough to warrant printing. But the New York Times, whom you know is quite new to journalism, believes that its op-ed … Continue reading →
In our ongoing effort to remind the world that the mainstream media is populated by functionally stupid dolts, here is a quick round up of news from today: Autopsy: SeaWorld trainer died from drowning, traumatic injuries. Yes, because when a … Continue reading →
Gormogon operative DA writes in to your Mandarin with the following: Howdy mate… I know its probably not the right sort of respectful tone to take on of the Gormogons, but saying mate is ingrained in me, much to the … Continue reading →
Wow. Are you kidding? Seriously. MSNBC has almost a million viewers? Who woulda thunk? The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, … Continue reading →
You may be more liberal, or more conservative, than you think. Here is an easy quiz. Conservatives will likely have more (a) answers, and liberals more (b) answers. The unemployment rate is… a) Too damn high. Everyone is hurting. b) … Continue reading →
Well, by now you know there are dozens of Tea Party members upset with the healthcare vote. Which is curious, because dozens appear to outnumber supporters of the legislation. But the tiny, insignificant amount of Tea Party folks upset with … Continue reading →
Not content to change the way we do healthcare, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi announced on Sunday that her goal is to reform the United States’ geography. Alaska and Hawaii will be towed, at a cost of $1.9 trillion, … Continue reading →
The Mandarin came into the Humidor Room of the Castle about two hours ago. He asked the Czar if we had seen ‘Puter lately. No, not since yesterday. The Mandarin nodded and said “I just checked the proxy server log … Continue reading →
The Czar and the Цесаревич wandered around Muscovy today to see what trouble we could get into. (Turns out: we wound up buying some street hockey sticks and rubber pucks for $2 each…a great deal!) One stop was to the … Continue reading →
Utterly clueless. Because that is how the world is today. Something happens, and someone needs to resign. How about this. How about journalists resign when they flub a story or back the wrong side? Wouldn’t that instantly improve the world? … Continue reading →
Yeah, because every so often the Mandarin and GorT get into the rum and cokes, and pretty soon we wind up with stuff from an alternate future. At least, the Czar hopes that’s the case, because GorT woke up with … Continue reading →
Your Czarness: Do tell your noble father not to despair. Yes, these days it is right difficult to keep on the sunny side of life. But just as surely as spring follows the gloom of harsh winter, so too will … Continue reading →
90% is an A- minus, right? Well not in this case. According to the newest CBO report, the national debt will rise to 90% of GDP. This report also details that President Obama’s fiscal 2011 budget will generate approximately $10 … Continue reading →
As you know, the Czar has lived for several centuries. (And had it not been for that upstart second cousin of his, Daniil, Czar would be Tsar’. But that was a long time ago.) So when the Czar converses with … Continue reading →
The Czar likes Daniel Foster, and would not only welcome him to the Castle, but would even allow him to leave intact. However, Mr. Foster reports on a short-sided study that reveals, après le weekend, that if the November elections … Continue reading →
So Operative DT writes in to ask the Czar what the hell is up when America’s Jewish population votes in massive numbers for Barack Obama, when the President has continuously propped up Iran while bitch slapping Israel around. The answer … Continue reading →
The Times is reporting that Congress is requesting President Obama to start developing a plan to replace Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. Does this scare the crap out of you? Quoth the Times: On April 15, the Treasury Department and … Continue reading →
From the Chicago Sun-Times’ Mary Mitchell, who still fears white people, we see the liberal media just cannot give up a great myth: Before the critical vote, House Democrats were heckled, cursed and spit on by people who were opposed … Continue reading →
Gormogon operative MC writes to say: The lovely and talented Operative SC brought this to my attention via The Corner late yesterday. It’s too bad this video didn’t make the rounds sooner, as the pro-life crowd wouldn’t have hung all … Continue reading →
All Bart Stupak needed to do was walk down the steps of an airplane up to the podium and announce that he held in his hand a document signed by Herr Hitler that guaranteed that their would be peace in … Continue reading →
As much as it pains one to write this, Speaker Pelosi managed to get the necessary votes together to pass the Senate bill. And now that evil hybrid (the bill, not Pelosi) is on its way back to the Senate … Continue reading →
Well, today is the critical healthcare vote—sort of a last stand between progressivism and capitalism, really. As of the time the Czar writes this, the gap between the two positions has narrowed incredibly, but the NO votes still lead. Lest … Continue reading →
Let us do some math. There are 300 million Americans, say. The Obama administration claims that 46 million people lack health insurance. Wait, though: it turns out that this industry number included 10 million illegal aliens. So 36 million Americans … Continue reading →
ACORN is going bankrupt. At least, that’s the story we are being sold. Call the Czar a bit skeptical here. A teleconference between officials is allegedly being held this weekend to review the steps necessary to break up and dissolve … Continue reading →
Today, they have been split up into various departments and even independent agencies of the government. But there was a time (1953-1979) when they were collectively known as the Department of Health, Education, and Welfare. Although various presidents thought about … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin has been contemplating the pending Sunday vote on the healthcare destruction proposal, and has the following questions: 1. How is it those progressives/liberals that have fought for the last 40 years for the government to stay out of … Continue reading →
The Czar missed the Obama v. Fox interview, but understands this is pretty close. Professor Obama explains basic healthcare economics to the public, and Rodney “Average American” responds. The symmetry here is disturbing. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, … Continue reading →
The Czar was curious to see how the Times would spin this. Basically, the President has delayed his overseas trip for the same reason he delayed it previously. No, Speaker Pelosi, not because he wants to stay at the helm … Continue reading →
The Daily Mail Online is reporting that, “Children who are hooked on computer games, the Internet, and mobile phones are to be offered help at what is thought to be the first dedicated technology addiction service for young people in … Continue reading →
Nothing says “I’m proud of my heritage” like a cultural celebration revolving around getting sloppy drunk, vomiting in the gutter and/or on innocent bystanders, then heading home for the evening with some disease ridden last call leftover. Oh, and don’t … Continue reading →
A tyranny can only succeed when it operates in secret. According to this story from FoxNews.com, in fiscal year 2009, 17 major governmental agencies refused to release information 466,872 times. This is an increase of almost 50% from the previous … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin was watching the local television news broadcast last night to watch the weather forecast – it amuses me to see what they are predicting and then I go to the lab and set the weather ray to the … Continue reading →
Gormogon operative FJR writes in from her very unusual field project (it is difficult, one admits, to construct a massive radio telescope below a Puerto Rican lake, but it turns out to be a great place to hide a massive … Continue reading →
D.T. writes in, evidently quivering in fear: Oh Wise, Mighty, and Enlightened Czar, who has hopefully glossed over this boring greeting since I have sent more interesting ones in the past, I bring you a report from the St. Patrick’s … Continue reading →
The LA Times, and apparently only the LA Times (and at that, only their mobile version) is reporting that Virginia Thomas, wife of Clarence Thomas, is starting a new conservative political action group, called Liberty Central, Inc. For your left-wing … Continue reading →
When the Czar was in school, the best they could manage was getting us to show up two days in a row. For the absolute opposite, check out the kids of PS22 (NYC, fifth graders). Is this awe-inspiring or what? … Continue reading →
Repeal the healthcare bill if passed? Theoretically, yes. In practice, no chance. Yes, the link is an editorial. But the Czar (a sad pessimist) tends to take the side of its author. The Czar might even go further: why repeal … Continue reading →
CNN is trying to stay relevent by commenting on the new Coffee Party. Read the article, and decide if CNN even attempts to define the Coffee Party as anything short of a stunt. No? That’s all right; the Czar didn’t … Continue reading →
GorT reminds you to set your clocks ahead…to the year 5012. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated … Continue reading →
