It’s been a while since GorT has done a mailbag dump (man, that sounds like something ‘Puter would say). Item 1 – maybe shockingly to the Czar, Borepatch writes into the silver robot with the followin: Great writeup. I completely … Continue reading →
As our loyal readers know, ‘Puter’s earned an artium baccalaureus degree in Philosophy. ‘Puter loved learning philosophy, turning over complex ideas that have confounded humans for ages. Is God falsifiable? How (and why) do we think? What is knowledge? From … Continue reading →
‘Puter woke up this morning with a start, immediately realizing two things were very, very wrong. First, ‘Puter was in his own bed and curiously vomit free, and that never happens after all you can drink Courvoisier and Clam Juice … Continue reading →
Our reach is vast. This morning, your Gormogon overlords had their 1.5 millionth hit. This translates to a hit about every thirty seconds since our inception. Over seven thousand and six hundred posts later and the hits keep coming. We … Continue reading →
Operative JAB writes in from her secret overseas assignment. While in transit, posing as part of Dennis Rodman’s posse heading to Pyongyang for some quality time with the Little Dictator, Operative JAB managed to surreptitiously snap this picture: As JAB … Continue reading →
Gentle Readers, Dr. J. saw this article in the Washington Times, in which a movement is described proposing to have upstate New York* secede from greater NYC. This would be a partial secession as partitioned upstate and NYC would be … Continue reading →
Flame on! Gentle Readers, As you know, Dr. J. is the Olympics aficionado of the group. He would have posted this sooner, but he watched the Opening Ceremonies DVR’d as it was Senior Night for the Bene Gesserit Witches basketball … Continue reading →
Did you catch the State of the Union last night? We didn’t! The truth is that your Gormogons found far better things to do with our Tuesday evening. The Volgi: I watched the Caps-Sabres game. ’Puter considers nothing sweeter than … Continue reading →
There’s an App for that?!?Still not as creative as some of ‘Puter’s characters. Well, ‘Puter is a character. We’ve been lax in recognizing a few recent, notable anniversaries. The first is yesterday was Dungeons & Dragons’ 40th anniversary. Sort of. … Continue reading →
You might remember a few days ago that our beloved Castle archivist Marie found a whole box of old photos, and the Czar elected to scan a few of them and put them out here for you. As you know, … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin received yet another email regarding this post from the other day. To the Glorious and Armed Mandarin, I apologize for writing so tardily. I just returned from an alternate dimension into which I was sympathetically transported on reading your post. … Continue reading →
Who knew Burkina Faso had a Pride Parade? Czar. that’s who. Operative SMR reports in from Upper Volta* where he’s on a super-secret mission for Czar and ‘Puter to discover a new fruit-based mixer to spice up our favorite drink, the … Continue reading →
Dr. J. apologizes for the delay in posting this missive addressed to the Czar but forwarded to Dr. J. from the one and only Uncle Jay: Dear Dread & Awful.: A vast smoke screen, wasn’t it? This whole Polar Votrex … Continue reading →
Believe it or not, this photo is in the eighth row of Google results if you google “Leaping Peacock.” This bears no resemblance to the Leaping Peacock Czar and ‘Puter frequent, at least not when ‘Puter and Czar are conscious. ‘Puter thinks … Continue reading →
Click to embiggen… GorTGorT is an eight-foot-tall robot from the 51ˢᵗ Century who routinely time-travels to steal expensive technology from the future and return it to the past for retroinvention. The profits from this pay all the Gormogons’ bills, including … Continue reading →
Click to enlarge, of course. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all … Continue reading →
‘Puter more closely resembles Barney Rubble, except ‘Puter’s bald. It’s your Volgi that’s more Flintstone-esque, except bearded. ‘Puter’s jonesing for the five o’clock whistle so he can slide down the dinosaur’s tail and into his eco-friendly foot-powered car, a la … Continue reading →
Today, thanks to time travel, we were able to hold our First Annual Turkey Contest yesterday. And the results were about what you would expect. As you know, all of us Gormogons are superlative cooks in at least one area … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin is very concerned about the possibility of a zombie apocalypse. Not because this is a piece of popular culture but more due to the fact that something may or may not have gone wrong in the lab the … Continue reading →
Your Inscrutable Mandarin is most busy these days, and has had little time to post. You are probably wondering what has been so demanding of his time. Here is a hint: The MandarinThe Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined … Continue reading →
If you are a parent who thinks it’s OK to dress your 4 year old daughter up to look like this, then parade her in front of strangers, you should reexamine yourcore beliefs before Czar and ‘Puter showup on your … Continue reading →
Quit complaining, Irwindale residents. You could be Dat Ho’s cousin Dis Ho who works in Huy Fong’s chili mines. ‘Puter was luxuriating in the Castle’s naturally occurring hot springs,* conveniently located just down the hall from ‘Puter’s Rumpus … Continue reading →
The other day, we all received one of the best question we have ever received. The Czar makes this claim because all six of us were quite excited by the nature of the question: To the Gracious, Learned, Infallible, and … Continue reading →
Conservatives like you tend to understand little of any substance, and as a result, you may be confused over why this shutdown is such a terrible thing. In your ignorance, you blissfully think that that life goes on without the … Continue reading →
Mrs. ‘Puter, Big Red and Mrs. TheCzar model the latest in Oktoberfestfashion. Not really, but in ‘Puter’s demented mind, this is how hepictures it. ‘Puter spent Mrs. ‘Puter’s birthday weekend thusly. Friday evening, ‘Puter squired The Missus to dinner at … Continue reading →
‘Puter whipped up this batch of Pad Thailast night, to the acclaim of his family.It’s an easy recipe and takes about 30-45 minutes start to finish. Try it! ‘Puter, like most if not all of your Gormogons, loves to cook. … Continue reading →
Bob Dylan (a/k/a Robert Zimmerman) is one of ‘Puter’s favorite artists. Also, Mr. Dylan, a Minnesotan Jew by birth, would write much better liturgical music than either OCP or the St. Louis Jesuits ‘Puter digs him some music, music of … Continue reading →
Gentle Readers, Dr. J. saw ‘Puter slinking away from the Castle hanger this morning with a paint brush and palate. Behold what he wrought while we all slept: If you want to charter a flight, here’s how, but we’ll only … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s had a few embarrassing moments on the Delmarva,mistaking rich, white, do nothing housewives in their skeletalglory for Sleestak. Unlike Sleestak, these fragile princesses can’ttake a punch. N.B., cops will not accept “I thought she was my lizard humanoid houseboy” … Continue reading →
Like much of America, the Gormogons vacation as well. Sometimes it’s on our own with our own families and a number of us have posted assorted accounts for your amusement and edification. First a little background to orient our dear … Continue reading →
Not that kind of meat smoking, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Since both Czar and GorT have shared their secrets for smoking ribs with you, our beloved readers, ‘Puter thought he’d share his secrets as well. Czar and … Continue reading →
The 2013 All-Castle Pride Parade Male Chorus prepares to sing its a cappella version of U2’s Pride: In the Name of Man on Man Love ‘Puter’s gotten more mail this week than he has in some time, so he’s trying … Continue reading →
That won’t cause nightmares! She’s really nice in person! Gentle Readers, Thank you for celebrating our fifth blogiversary with us. This morning, when we awoke, we found six neatly wrapped presents from the Blogiversary Fairy™. The Blogiversary Fairy is a … Continue reading →
Something special for our 5th anniversary? How about a picture we have not uploaded before? Here you are! This is us on the National Mallsee the Lincoln Memorial?we took back in 1994. From left, theres Sleestak, Ghettoputer F.X. Gormogon, GorTechie … Continue reading →
Shamelessly stolen from Buzzfeed, here is all you need to know about New York State. Please memorize these two simple lessons before coming to New York. Better, please memorize these two lessons before saying anything remotely related to New York … Continue reading →
That’s not the diplomatic pouch to which ‘Puter referred, Operative ML. Now putit down! Actually, this mailbag’s about the Zimmerman verdict and self-defense law. ‘Puter just enjoys revving up the humorless shrew wing of the gay lobby by linking ‘Puter’s … Continue reading →
Kevin Cronin and REO Speedwagon secretlyadvance the grand plot of the omnipotent WhiteMale Patriarchy to keep Blacks down throughjudicious application of late 1970s rock music. In the immortal words of REO Speedwagon, ‘Puter’s had “enough of the falseness of a … Continue reading →
Hey, teacher, leave us kids alone! The school cafeteria has been the stuff of derision since time immemorial. When Dr. J. was a yout’ he learned pretty early after a hearty breakfast of oatmeal, orange juice and tea; that a Fluffernutter™, … Continue reading →
All this and more can be yours for only $19.95! Your imperial majesty: My own царица has fled the aquatic hinterlands and is currently esconsced with the girls in the Big Easy. This leave me with more time on my … Continue reading →
Your Mandarin put one of these on ‘Puter’s desk this morning.We haven’t seen ‘Puter all day. This thing has him totally preoccupied. Courtesy Uncle Jay. The MandarinThe Mandarin, whose real name is 吏恆, joined the order in 1309, and introduced … Continue reading →
Contemplative Dog sadly contemplatesthe state of modern debate and rhetoric,particularly on gay marriage. Shortly aftersitting for this photo, Contemplative Dogassuaged her melancholy, returning to licking herself, Bill the Cat style. To say ‘Puter’s conflicted on gay rights generally and gay … Continue reading →
Dr. J. received this inter-castle memo over the weekend from Confucius ( 孔夫子), the Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV): To: GorT, Ghettoputer, The Czar of Muscovy, The Inscrutable Mandarin, Dr. J. From :孔夫子, the Œcumenical Volgi (The Notorious ŒV) Re: … Continue reading →
Happy Fathers Day to all of our readers who are fathers or who have fathers! Let’s take a look around Castle Gormogon to see what the Fathers Day Fairy brought your Gormogon Overlords, Fathers to All, muah ha ha ha … Continue reading →
Cole Porter, who understoodwitch hunts, would not be amusedby our president’s disregard of Americans’ right to be secure fromunwarranted government invasionof our personal lives. ‘Puter loves him some American standards, like Night and Day, sung by Ella Fitzgerald, which … Continue reading →
Only Trebek knows the secrets ‘Puterholds deep within his, tiny, shriveled,black heart. And within ‘Puter’sno-no hole, but that’s another story. Wow. ‘Puter gets buried under an avalanche of work for a few days and comes back to find some truly … Continue reading →
Gov. Cuomo demonstrates the danger offinger guns before Mayor Bloomberg joinshim on stage to introduce their jointlegislative proposal “Fingerguns UnderControl of Kids Kill Us Act,” or as it iswidely known, Cuomo’s FUCKKU Act. ‘Puter’s a casual hunter, and an even … Continue reading →
’Puter, You’re attributing too much foresight to Mr. D.P.A. McManus. The “Arabs” in “Oliver’s Army” are not the lumpen Muslims you talk about. The vast majority of that group have always been Subcontinental, the “blacks” or “Pakis” of the unlovely … Continue reading →
This is almost exactly ‘Puter’s beloved2001 Nissan Pathfinder, which really hasvery little to do with the point of this post. ‘Puter’s not a car guy. It’s not that ‘Puter doesn’t like cars, it’s just that he’s not the type that … Continue reading →
When Dr. J. was on the road last week, the latest AHA guidelines were published to great media fanfare. Indeed you, Gentle Reader, probably saw something in the news. Dr. J. decided to review the guidelines and share his reflections on … Continue reading →
The Media walks home, tornpanties and damaged dignity in hand from the Left’s dorm roomafter a late night booty call. ‘Puter noted Czar included “‘Puter” as a label on his not-totally-lame post immediately below. ‘Puter guesses that his fellow Gormogons now … Continue reading →
Have you heard that NBA player Jason Collins is gay? Of course, you have. Did you hear that non-Obama administration figures have indeed solved the Benghazi murders of four Americans and know exactly who did it and where they can … Continue reading →
‘Puter, like the rest of America, watched the Left and its media comfort women reduced to incoherent sputtering over the last week. Confronted with the Gun Control Failure story, the Boston (Marathon) Massacre story, the Elvis Impersonator Mails Ricin to Obama story and the … Continue reading →
Sure, these firemen are South BostonMasshole hockey players, but on mostdays, they are the face of good and salvation to people in grave danger. As most other folks must be doing, ‘Puter’s spent some time thinking about the Boston Marathon … Continue reading →
Liberals should ask themselves whether they’d prefer to live next door to low skill,welfare seeking illegal immigrants or degreed, bilingual, taxpaying high skillimmigrants like the ones ‘Puter works with. Imagine ‘Puter’s surprise when he found himself nodding in agreement with … Continue reading →
…well maybe not Puter as he’s a tad ribald. This young lady from the People’s Republic of Maryland area testifies at a hearing of Maryland legislators and decimates the arguments for stricter gunlaws in 3 minutes flat. If you’re not … Continue reading →
‘Puter, Jr. attends our local Jesuit institution of lower learning (higher learning being reserved for colleges and universities), McQuaid Jesuit. ‘Puter and Czar prepare to attend “GayCouples Drink Free at Jesuit High Schools’Prom Night” at the Leaping Peacock. Unbeknownst to … Continue reading →
Let’s not forget: it’s all of us who causedJesus to suffer and die to free us from sin.Not just those crazy Catholic lefties. And ‘Puter’s a self-righteous Pharisee. ‘Puter sat at 7:30 AM Mass Sunday morning, half asleep, quietly thanking … Continue reading →
The middle-aged Sith Lord would retort, “I won’t cut the blanket, simply cover my feet when its cold and my head when its bright. .” Dr. J. actually likes Daylight Savings Time. Your Gormogons don’t always agree with each other, … Continue reading →
Puter’s been known from time to time to go to NYC on business. He mentioned to Dr. J. that while he was there he was going to get his tree. NYC being known for all kinds of shopping but Christmas … Continue reading →
Our apologies folks, apparently Dat Ho or Sleestak let ‘Puter roam free past the Leapin’ Peacock and he ended up on a four day bender. Apparently somewhere around the 47th hour, he was on Mars trying to get the rover … Continue reading →
‘Puter watched the election returns come in last night. ‘Puter was not amused. He spent much time sloshing his vodka-rocks-olives (served in a highball tumbler) onto the carpet and raging at the television “reporters” before storming off to bed, muttering … Continue reading →
Gentle Readers, Your Gormogons are gearing up for tonight’s Halloween Party at the Castle. Dr. J. only felt it appropriate to share with you, our readers and fans, how we will be dressing for the festivities. Dr. J. your Royal … Continue reading →
Dear Mr. President, After last night’s debate, you addressed a rally of your supporters and the press in Florida. But then I repeat myself. You chose this occasion, in front of a live audience of 11,000 or so to riff that … Continue reading →
Mrs. ‘Puter’s father has malignant squamous cell carcinoma of the larynx. We call Mrs. ‘Puter’s dad Poppy, his chosen grandparental moniker. We have not yet named his cancer. Depending on which medical expert is consulted, Poppy’s cancer is either Stage … Continue reading →
Sometimes things almost take care of themselves. You might remember the Czar complaining yesterday about one of his 46 college roommates showing up for the first time since 1922, trashing the inside and outside of the Castle, demanding to see … Continue reading →
See, Biden was such a compelling clown last night that even Dr. J. is leading off with a Biden picture. Unlike The Czar and ‘Puter, Dr. J.’s approach to the debate was more like Joe Sixpack’s. The debate was background … Continue reading →
Today the Supreme Court of the United States (“SCOTUS”) heard oral argument in Fisher v. University of Texas, Docket No. 11-345. Petitioner Abigail Fisher sued respondent University of Texas claiming Respondent’s race-based admissions policy* violated her Constitutional guarantee of equal protection, … Continue reading →
E.J. Dionne prepares to let loose anotherunction implosion all over the WashingtonPost’s newsroom. Better get the Brawny out. Before we begin and apropos of nothing, did you know that “opinion columnist” is an anagram of “unction implosion?” Not that this … Continue reading →
‘Puter perused the Wall Street Journal this morning, as he whipped up a batch of lard-boiled narwhal pancreas for breakfast, as is his wont. Somewhere in the middle of the A Section, ‘Puter stumbled upon the photo, above, illustrating an … Continue reading →
‘Puter prepares to “ride Czar’s float” at the Gormogons’ 1,092ndAnnual Gay Pride Parade ‘Puter is not surprised that he received feedback on yesterday’s most excellent “pretend you’re Romney’s speech writer” post. ‘Puter has a way of getting under folks’ skin, … Continue reading →
Man, you people get so needy. All right. By popular demand, we have added a second series of MiniFigures for your Castle Gormogon sets! Die-hard fans will be certain to gouge other people’s eyes out in order to get their … Continue reading →
Admit it! Wouldn’t you sometimes rather act out your own Gormogon posts, rather than read the ones we actually put here? Seriously, don’t you just want to go all ‘Puter on NPR once in a while? Or have the Czar … Continue reading →
You know, it isn’t just ‘Puter who can post tasteless crap like this. This is severely unfunny. Not a redeeming thing about this at all. Total immaturity, and exploiting the last socially tolerated form of gross prejudice: making fun of … Continue reading →
Ben Stein uses his right hand to indicate “aleph naught” and hisleft hand to indicate “c,” definitively proving once and for allthat something knowable and singular does exist between aleph naught and c: Ben Stein Mrs. ‘Puter enjoys one, and only … Continue reading →
Czar has trained a small army of ninjawombats to strike fear into the heartsof his enemies. Secondarily, Czar useshis wombat army to deliver messagesto ‘Puter. Cubical poop? Really? Ouch. When not abusing various mood-altering substances, we denizens of Castle Gormogon … Continue reading →
Failure to recognize the awesomeness of theMillennials results from your lack of perception,not from the fact that this entire generation ofself-entitled, know-nothing jerks sucks out loud. ‘Puter’s been known to heap hate all over Millennials. Sometimes, late at night, amidst … Continue reading →
Czar and Dat Ho recreate ‘Puter’s massivepimp smack of E.J. Dionne in CastleGormogon’s cabaret room before astanding room only crowd. ‘Puter promised he would post on this topic yesterday, but he was too excited preparing for his forthcoming reunion with … Continue reading →
Pictured: Czar pulling his sword outof a recently gutted left wing pundit. ‘Puter finally realized what’s really been bugging him, aside from the passel of yellow jackets nesting in his unitard. More specifically, ‘Puter’s been annoyed by President Obama’s “you … Continue reading →
‘Puter finally got tired of simply de-pantsing E.J. Dionne (not literally) within the hallowed halls of Castle Gormogon. Really, the other Gormogons tired of ‘Puter building effigies of Mr. Dionne, coating them with napalm, loading them into Mandy’s rail gun … Continue reading →
Benedict XVI: The little-known inspiration behind Notorious B.I.G.’s Grammy nominated “Big Poppa” single. 'PuterAlways right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this. ’Puter carefully follows … Continue reading →
Liberals count on us not to notice the atfirst small restrictions of our liberties. Once we’re securely bound, that’s whenthey’ll come for our core freedoms. Also,Czar has a Mickey Mouse BDSM fetish. ‘Puter’s been reading his favorite left of center … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s reminded constantly of this old saw when he reads just about anything written by a liberal columnist in any major publication. On just about any topic, Democrats make up “facts” to fit their preferred world view. How come when … Continue reading →
This is the closest image ‘Puter could locateto show the true beauty of his first car. In or about 1985, the State of Maryland (“America in Miniature“**) issued ‘Puter his driver’s license. From that fateful day forward, ‘Puter was unleashed … Continue reading →
A pregnant Mrs. The Czar, The Czar andSanta Claus (the alleged father), discussabortion rights, gun rights and the importanceof overwhelming firepower in their 2003 Christmas Card. You should read the accompanying letter. ‘Puter apologizes in advance to his liberal readers for using … Continue reading →
‘Puter said this every day for fouryears of Jesuit high school to GorT and OEV. That is, when ‘Puter wasn’tfighting off giant purple spiders, whichis another story entirely. In the immortal words of Eric Cartman, “I. Am. So. Pissed. Off. … Continue reading →
St. Thomas More, in happier days.You know. Those days when heactually had a head. On this day in 1535, that rat-bastard Henry VIII of England had St. Thomas More beheaded on Tower Hill for the heinous crime of refusing to … Continue reading →
This guy and his coworkers, standing inneverending underground rivers of your shit,have saved more lives than Dr. Jonas Salk. ‘Puter’s been observing others’ behavior recently. Generally, ‘Puter concluded that many people are jerks. More specifically, ‘Puter concluded that … Continue reading →
If everybody’s super, no one is. ‘Puter frequently rails against the American education system, for what it has done and what it has failed to do. ‘Puter frequently blames teachers’ unions, teachers and administrators for the system’s problems. Certainly, each … Continue reading →
This scary clown picture has nothingto do with ‘Puter’s post. Clowns justfreak ‘Puter right the heck out, so‘Puter thought he’d share. ‘Puter’s had a medical personnel filled day today as he transported ‘Puter, Jr. hither and yon to get his face … Continue reading →
SC: “I’ll take ‘The Rapists’ for $400, ‘Puter.” GP: “Uh, Mr. Connery? That’s ‘Public Sector Unions,’ but I can see how you’dmake that mistake.” “I’ll take Obamanomics for $200, ‘Puter.” This is how the nightmare always starts, seemingly innocent enough. … Continue reading →
Be vewy, vewy quiet. Czaw’s hunting wabbits! Before we being today’s installation of ‘Puter’s Gay-tastic Totally Not Homophobic Male Bag, a bit of Gormogon history. Your Gormogons will, at random intervals, publish select minion missives as actual blog posts. ‘Puter … Continue reading →
If it all possible, protect your data by putting a physical lock on it and a little bit of loose chain as pictured. That keeps just about everybody out, unless they simply lift up the lock and move it to … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s had enough with this pseudonymous blogging. After all, how much money can one man possibly need? Blogging’s made ‘Puter fabulously wealthy and an even bigger egomaniac than he used to be. With all his leisure time, ‘Puter figured he’d … Continue reading →
Mrs. Dr. J., the Lil Resident and the Lil Medstudent baked you a cake… …and a pie! Happy Birthday Big Guy! Dr. J.
Continue reading →It is no secret that many of us who dwell in the Castle read a fair amount of HP Lovecraft in our day. And apparently so has much of the Internet as well. With that in mind, and because not … Continue reading →
Were Dr. and Mrs. Dr. J. to produce more offspring, our birth plan might require a flight to Taiwan for the delivery. While it might affect that child’s ability to run for president of the United States, it would be … Continue reading →
‘Puter’s been working 70-80 hour weeks of late, living the glamorous life of Obama-proclaimed rich, drafting and reviewing contracts concerning asset acquisition, corporate entity creation, ownership structures and cost sharing/recovery schemes. ‘Puter’s sexy and he knows it. And you’re envious … Continue reading →
