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The Most Unhelpful Review of Thor 2 You Will Find

The Gormogons Posted on November 11, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

If you want a helpful review of Thor: The Dark World, there is no question you need to read Dr. J’s excellent, spoiler-free, pro-grade-level review. Tell us about it. This is how the Czar looked and felt after hearing seven … Continue reading →

Posted in Avengers, Marvel Comics, Movies, Norse Mythology, This movie really sucks, Thor

REVIEW – Thor: The Dark World

The Gormogons Posted on November 11, 2013 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

As one would expect, @tomhiddleston steals the show. Gentle Readers, Clan J. took in a screening of Thor: The Dark World yesterday. Over all, we enjoyed this flick immensely. The team behind the Marvel Cinematic Universe has done a great … Continue reading →

Posted in Avengers, Marvel Comics, Movies, Norse Mythology, Thor

MovieToned Spotlight

The Gormogons Posted on October 25, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Some recent productions that have been greenlit in Hollywood caught our attention. Leave It To Beaver, starring Saoirse Ronan and Benedict Cumberbatch, will be a dark, gritty reimagining of life in Mayfield. Beaver, haunted by a mysterious childhood tragedy, is … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, This movie really sucks

Ben Affleck. Yeah, That Says It All

The Gormogons Posted on August 24, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Some thoughts on this Ben Affleck casting of Batman. Rocket Raccoon. Come on, even though the idea is preposterous, you have to admit…this is a badass-looking raccon. And he has a machine gun. Imagine if he had a great voice … Continue reading →

Posted in Batman, Ben Affleck, Benedict Cumberbatch, Bruce Greenwood, DC Comics, Man of Steel, Marvel Comics, Movies, Superman

Ben Affleck? WTF?!?!!??!

The Gormogons Posted on August 23, 2013 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

Marrying Jennifer Garner was his best career move… Gentle Readers, Dr. J. was shocked today to learn that Ben Affleck was tapped to play Batman in the upcoming Superman/Batman sequel to Man of Steel. Really? Seriously? No disrespect to Mr. … Continue reading →

Posted in Batman, Ben Affleck, Benedict Cumberbatch, Bruce Greenwood, Man of Steel, Movies, Superman

Not One But TWO Reviews of Pacific Rim

The Gormogons Posted on July 21, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

THE FIRST THING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT PACIFIC RIM IS THAT IT’S LOUD. REALLY LOUD. LIKE THE LOUDEST MOVIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD. Seriously, the Czar has attended rock concerts that had more concern for inner ear sensitivity. Really. … Continue reading →

Posted in Godzilla, Movies, Robots, This movie really sucks

This Is Tough To Argue Against

The Gormogons Posted on June 2, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was born in the steppes of Russia in 1267, and was cheated out of total control of all Russia upon the death of … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, This movie really sucks, You Tube

The Czar Reviews Iron Man Three

The Gormogons Posted on May 5, 2013 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

“Is this a dagger which I see before me, The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee. I have thee not, and yet I see thee still. Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible To feeling as to sight? … Continue reading →

Posted in Comic Books, Movies, This movie really sucks

If you want to f@¢K with the eagles, you better learn to fly!

The Gormogons Posted on February 15, 2013 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

Before there were Mean Girls, there were the Heathers… Remember the movie Heathers? If not, it’s in heavy rotation on Showtime this month. For those not in the know, the 1988 movie is about a high school girl, Veronica (Winona … Continue reading →

Posted in Data, Freakanomics, Math class is hard, Movies, Popular Culture

The Only Spider-Man Review You Need To Read

The Gormogons Posted on July 10, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Let us answer your critical questions on the new Spider-Man movie. Q. My husband wants to buy a llama for the home. Can this movie help us determine whether this is a good idea? A. This movie makes it quite … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, The Amazing Spider-Man, This movie really sucks

Movie Review – Brave

The Gormogons Posted on June 25, 2012 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

One thing that Dr. J. learned from Dungeon’s and Dragons was to stay away from Will-o-the-Wisps Clan J. went to the moves this evening to take in Pixar’s latest, Brave. It was the first non-sequel movie from Pixar since Up, … Continue reading →

Posted in Celtic, Dr. J., Movies, Scotland, This movie really sucks

Avengers Dissemble

The Gormogons Posted on May 7, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Well, the Czar concedes that he was hoping either Dr. J. or the Mandarin would write a review for The Avengers first. Clearly, they are waiting for us to do it. First, some generalizations: Well done. Go see it. Very … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, Superheroes, The Czar of Muscovy, This movie really sucks

John Carter: Volgi Was Right

The Gormogons Posted on March 17, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Ah, screw it, thought the Czar. And he grabbed the boys late Friday night, and with the Царица riding shotgun, we headed off to the cinema and viewed John Carter. As the Volgi suggested we would, we enjoyed it. The … Continue reading →

Posted in Get Your Ass to Mars, Mars, Movies, This movie really sucks

Looks Like Disney Ruined This One (Updated)

The Gormogons Posted on March 5, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Edgar Rice Burroughs was very much a private man, so it was with some surprise that the Czar bumped into him at a cocktail party around 1910 when the latter was back in Chicago. The Czar found the 34-year-old pencil … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, This movie really sucks

The Czar Will Not Be Watching the Oscars

The Gormogons Posted on February 26, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Hollywood is all excited about the Oscars tonight; so much so, they will all be stunned about the incredibly low ratings certain to follow. What on earth is wrong with you people, the networks will ask about us. We are … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, Oscars, This movie really sucks

True Story

The Gormogons Posted on February 3, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Time for a true story about the Czar’s sainted mother? The year is about 1994. Some acquaintances of hers begin speaking in non sequiturs and laughing hysterically, much to her annoyance. She demanded an explanation, naturally, and her friends asked … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, The Czar of Muscovy, This movie really sucks

Still More on the Ever-Exciting Tax Subsidies Question

The Gormogons Posted on February 3, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Remember 1000 years ago when the Czar took on the task of reading the entire draft ObamaCare bill? He didn’t receive nearly as much email on that as he is on this subject of film tax subsidies. Amazed and MC … Continue reading →

Posted in Bailout, Economics, Free Market Economy, Mailbag, Movies, Taxes, The Czar Reads HR 3200

Real Deal

The Gormogons Posted on February 1, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

MC is dying to learn more about tax subsidies. Thanks for the amplification, but I’m still not getting it. The government is still picking winners and losers, and in this case the winner is the film industry. The short-term benefit … Continue reading →

Posted in Hollywood, Mailbag, Michigan, Movies, Property Taxes, Taxes

One of These Things Is Not Like the Other

The Gormogons Posted on February 1, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

MC has recently returned from the Antarctic, where he tells weird tales of finding a ruined city of giants, with enormous penguins, strange carvings on the wall hinting at terrible events in our ancient past, as well as a Caribou … Continue reading →

Posted in Government spending, Mailbag, Movies, Taxes

Was It A Real Steal?

The Gormogons Posted on January 31, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Amazed writes in: re: Your post of 1/29/12 about seeing Real Steel. Answer: You’re welcome. My share of the $18.3 million dollar subsidy the gazillionaire producers got in taxpayer money for filming Real Steel for 2 weeks in my old … Continue reading →

Posted in Economics, Hollywood, Michigan, Movies, Robots, Taxes, This movie really sucks

Real Steel? Actually, Real Good!

The Gormogons Posted on January 29, 2012 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

The Czar had heard good things about Dreamworks’ Real Steel, and was more than okay with the kids renting it this weekend. You probably heard too that it was better than it looked. Wow. This was, seriously, one of the … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, Robots, Sports, This movie really sucks

Movie Magic

The Gormogons Posted on December 23, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Some things that Hollywood writers will never admit? First, corporate CEOs do not reside in castle-like offices at the top of skyscrapers, with wood trimmed walls, fireplaces, massive desks, and impossibly large windows. The Czar has been in many CEO … Continue reading →

Posted in Hollywood, Movies, This movie really sucks

It’s going to be a long year…

The Gormogons Posted on December 21, 2011 by Dr. J.April 6, 2014

The Hobbit: The Unexpected Journey, coming to theaters 12/14/12. You have a week to catch it before the end of the world. But, if you can’t wait that long. There will be Legos™ in the summer. Dr. J.

Continue reading →
Posted in Lego, Movies, Tolkien

I for Ignorance

The Gormogons Posted on November 13, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Basically, the plot of V for Vendetta involves a horribly disfigured guy who conceives of a master plan to topple a cruelly and liberally fascist British government. Almost: something is never quite right about the plan until he meets Evey, … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, Occupy Wall Street, Stupid People, This movie really sucks

Hollywood Am Stupid

The Gormogons Posted on October 29, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Dearest Hollywood: We understand you are contemplating increasing the time between a movie’s release on DVD or BluRay, and the time which Netflix and Redbox can stock the film for rental. This is because you perceive more people would rather … Continue reading →

Posted in Hollywood, Movies, This movie really sucks

10 Trends Worth Hating in Movies

The Gormogons Posted on August 14, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Den of Geek, whose website is a bit too frenetic for the Czar, nevertheless has a superb essay: The 10 Biggest Problems With Modern Day Cinema. We wish that all Hollywood directors and producers would read it. They won’t, but … Continue reading →

Posted in Hollywood, Movies, This movie really sucks

You Can’t Spell Lemon Without LMN.

The Gormogons Posted on August 14, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Lifetime Movie Networks has anounced they are going to reboot several franchises. The Czar is not particularly a fan of the network, but knows in his encompassing wisdom that some of you are. Here is a taste of what you … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, This movie really sucks

This Movie Really Sucks

The Gormogons Posted on July 30, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

The offensively accurate Brendan at Tyler Durden shares something in common with the Czar: a total loathing for celebrities, coupled with Hollywood’s inexplicable idolatry for people who couldn’t figure out where the Panama Canal was located. Most of his stuff, … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, This movie really sucks, U.S. Navy

Wait’ll You See The Chimney Sweeps

The Gormogons Posted on July 30, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

The Gormogons are thinking of rebooting the Mary Poppins franchise. Whattaya think of this as our first trailer? H/T to Jonah Goldberg. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ Всероссiйскiй, цѣсарь Московскiй. The Czar was … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, This movie really sucks

Cap

The Gormogons Posted on July 24, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Yes, the short answer, is that Captain America: The First Avenger is a pretty solid movie. There is plenty in it to anger homeland haters: the movie is accepts as a given that the Nazis are evil, that America is … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, This movie really sucks, World War II

Like It, Love It, or Don’t Care

The Gormogons Posted on July 21, 2011 by GorTApril 6, 2014

GorT and family saw the final Harry Potter movie, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2, on Sunday morning.  We decided to see it at a 3D IMAX screen.  In full disclosure, GorT enjoys the Potter series.  I think the … Continue reading →

Posted in Harry Potter, Movies

The Czar Was Gonna See It Anyway…

The Gormogons Posted on July 21, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

This Sunday, we throw the kids in the armored train and take them to the mall to see Captain America. The Czar likes to go Sunday mornings because the theaters here are emptier, half price, and he really likes sitting … Continue reading →

Posted in Americans, Hollywood, Hollywood conservatives, Hollywood liberals, Homeland Haters, Movies, This movie really sucks

Every Ray Harryhausen monster in 4½ minutes

The Gormogons Posted on June 30, 2011 by Confucius, Œc. Vol.April 6, 2014

Via Boing Boing. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153

Continue reading →
Posted in Movies

Cars 2: Mater, Big Oil is Bad, Mater, Americans are Dumb, and Mater

The Gormogons Posted on June 25, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Know how you meet somebody who is pretty funny, but you realize that you can take maybe 20 or 30 minutes of him before the bit gets tiring and you think he should shut up? Cars 2 is quite a … Continue reading →

Posted in Cars, Hollywood, Movies, Pixar rules, This movie really sucks

DC Wants Some Green

The Gormogons Posted on June 16, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 6, 2014

Reuters, an old man in his 80s, frowns at the newspaper and asks “How many of these superhero movies are they gonna make?” This article is another good example of why journalists should never be allowed to write. Ever. Green … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, Superheroes, This movie really sucks

Caveat Stultor

The Gormogons Posted on June 8, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Borepatch, whom you read every day, right?, found and posted this. Not safe for work, although you will probably share it with your co-workers anyway, due to the graphic language from a cute widdle princess who got bum-rushed from the … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, Stupid People

The X-Men Back the USA? Oh Noz!

The Gormogons Posted on June 5, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Цесаревич and the Czar have returned from the Sunday morning showing of X-Men: First Class. The movie has been getting some odd reviews: most of the mainstream critics seem to dislike this movie, although the reasons why are inarticulate. Roger … Continue reading →

Posted in Hollywood liberals, Liberals, Movies, This movie really sucks

Fanmail: Some Days It Gets Really Weird

The Gormogons Posted on May 17, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

First some thoughts on Thor from BG: Great and Terrible Czar – Our neutered female cat likes to hang around my wife while she’s getting dressed. Is Thor an appropriate movie for cats that like to watch naked women? Is … Continue reading →

Posted in Mailbag, Movies, This movie really sucks

We Sawr Thor

The Gormogons Posted on May 15, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

The Czar has just returned from seeing Thor with the family, all of whom endorse the movie as whopping good entertainment. As a sort-of review, the Czar will entertain your most essential questions, so that you can decide if you … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, Superheroes, This movie really sucks

JP Sartre’s Draft of Star Wars

The Gormogons Posted on May 4, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Betcha didn’t know that Jean-Paul Sartre wrote a draft script for Star Wars. Well he did. And here it is. 3:11 of boredom and ennui disguised as release. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ … Continue reading →

Posted in Existentialism, Movies, Star Wars, This movie really sucks

Blu-Ray Ain’t Black-and-White-Ray

The Gormogons Posted on April 26, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Over at Big Hollywood, there is a curious essay about the failure of Blu-Ray technology to make a profit when working with Hollywood’s classic films. Not really a surprise, though. When you watch an action-packed, many-things-at-once modern Hollywood film in … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, Technology, This movie really sucks, way too much technology

Movie Review: Rango

The Gormogons Posted on March 6, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Bottom line: is Rango any good? Yes. It is very good. In fact, in addition to being a great animated movie, it is an absolutely fantastic Western. By now, you have probably heard the plot is a re-telling of Chinatown, … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, This movie really sucks

Processing!

The Gormogons Posted on February 28, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Big Hollywood has a nice bit up about the Mandarin’s favorite movie: Forbidden Planet, and what it teaches about Progressivism. Thought we would post this before Mandy did. The Czar of MuscovyБожію Поспѣшествующею Милостію Мы, Дима Грозный Императоръ и Самодержецъ … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, Progressives, This movie really sucks

Sigh. Hollywood Press Release

The Gormogons Posted on January 25, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

HOLLYWOOD, Jan. 25, 2011 / Associated Press/ With the Redbox release of Saw VII, Hollywood is beginning to take notice of the franchise’s success. Saw VII is the seventh film in the franchise, which released the initial movie, Saw, in … Continue reading →

Posted in Hollywood, Movies, Press Release, This movie really sucks

They’re Gonna Get Thor In a Minute

The Gormogons Posted on January 3, 2011 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

And lo, the Czar hears that some white supremacist groups are protesting the upcoming Marvel movie Thor because, in the trailer, Norse gods are depicted as being multi-racial. What a stunning blow for Marvel, to lose the all-important opening weekend … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, Racism, Stupid People, This movie really sucks

Spoilers Ahead!

The Gormogons Posted on December 24, 2010 by The Czar of MuscovyApril 7, 2014

Well, forget WikiLeaks. The Czar has had it with all you people whispering these little movie spoiler secrets back and forth. All right, here goes. The Czar is now going to spill on all those little movie tidbits people have … Continue reading →

Posted in Hollywood, Movies, This movie really sucks

Famous Movie Guns—Go see ’em

The Gormogons Posted on May 13, 2010 by Confucius, Œc. Vol.April 7, 2014

The first movie star I ever saw was a disappointment. Beautiful on screen, in life she turned out to be scrawny, sullen and surly. No eye contact, no communication save muttered bromides, she clearly hated meeting the press. Her hair … Continue reading →

Posted in Guns, Movies, Stephen Hunter

Harry Potter

The Gormogons Posted on July 20, 2009 by GorTJuly 20, 2009

Guilty confession: I’m a fan of the Harry Potter series. I’m an avid reader and Rowling’s Potter series was no different. They aren’t earthshaking in either literary quality or character development but they have proven to be very enjoyable to … Continue reading →

Posted in Harry Potter, Movies, Mythology

Hollywood Conservatives? Seems So!

The Gormogons Posted on March 19, 2009 by The Czar of MuscovyMarch 19, 2009

Lest we think that Hollywood is completely overrun with moonbats, a delightful reminder that there still is some respect for conservative values in the Land of the Yahoos. A nice, touching piece that lists more celebrities with backbones than the … Continue reading →

Posted in Conservatism, Hollywood liberals, Movies

More McCain Hollywood ads

The Gormogons Posted on October 31, 2008 by Confucius, Œc. Vol.October 31, 2008

The Juno crew, David Lynch, and Manoj Nelliyattu Shyamalan. Confucius, Œc. Vol.Don’t ask impertinent questions like that jackass Adept Lu. 3.14.242.153

Continue reading →
Posted in Humor, Movies, Old Johnny Mac

Reserve my seats now

The Gormogons Posted on September 19, 2008 by GorTSeptember 19, 2008

Ok, while GungaDin, I mean Ricky Tiki Tavi, I mean Rin Tin Tin is interesting, I’d like to offer up the following movie as the next must see movie. Maybe it’s all the Philip K. Dick novels I read as … Continue reading →

Posted in Movies, Superheroes, Watchmen

Thrice-bad Mummy?

The Gormogons Posted on July 31, 2008 by Confucius, Œc. Vol.July 31, 2008

Ok, the Œcumenical Volgi is among the world’s biggest fans of the The Mummy, Stephen Sommers’ excellently pitched action-horror-comedy. It’s feather light, immensely likable, and perfect popcorn-wolfing fun. The Volgi liked The Mummy so much that he was in the … Continue reading →

Posted in Alexandra DuPont, Brendan Fraser, China, Movies, Stupid Mongorians, The Adorable Rachel Weisz, The Middle Kingdom, The Mummy, This movie really sucks, Yeti

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